I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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