I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
