please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
