My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
