Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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