You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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