She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
