Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize