There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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