She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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