ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
