In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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