the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize