Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
