We named our party play list daddy issues
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We need to get me chipped asap
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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