oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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