the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
