my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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