Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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