I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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