I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize