considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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