he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
