i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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