I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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