Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
