I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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