Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
