my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
birth control should be required to get into college
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
