We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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