Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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