i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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