I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
