He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
