there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
