It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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