So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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