Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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