is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
