I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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