Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My hand turned me down
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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