talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
