Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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