Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
