my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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