I wish I could punch you in the face.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
