i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
two words...techno handjob
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
