he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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