It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
