It was confusing and full of hummus
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He shit in the fireplace
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
