We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
