there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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