you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
