I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
