She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
