I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Randomize
