booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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