I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
