I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
