I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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