September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize