Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
