I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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