A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
